I’ve been thinking lately about when I first started on this path to becoming a coach. When I enrolled in my coach training program, I learned a lot in the classes. In theory, I was excited to lean into this new field.
In practice, though, I was intimidated! It’s one thing to talk about what this coaching would look like, but a whole other experience to actually do it. What if I do it all wrong? What if I look completely incompetent?
In my program, classes met for an hour each week via zoom. Every one of those instructors encouraged us to work with a “learning partner” outside of class to discuss the content and start actually practicing, but as an introvert who is not particularly outgoing, I was hesitant. And then one of those instructors just assigned partners and expected us to meet outside of class time.
My “learning partner” in that class was someone who had way more experience than I had. They were further along in the program, and worked in a job where they were responsible for coaching middle managers. While this was intimidating, it was also helpful, because they were over the fear of jumping into actually practicing, and had the confidence to give me the nudge that I needed.
And so, I tried actually putting my academic understanding of coaching into practice with this person. This first coaching session was about a parenting issue that touched on some of my feminist ideas… I’ve been aiming for gender neutral language for anonymity, but it’s relevant now that she was a mom to a teenage son. Our discussion started with how she could maintain a connection with him despite busy schedules. The easiest time to find time together was around preparing and eating breakfast, but she didn’t like the idea of inviting him to learn to cook with her. My feminist brain was screaming that boys need to learn to cook just as much as girls do!
That session was really hard. I don’t have any children, and didn’t grow up in a family with tons of cousins and nieces/nephews around, so what do I know about parenting? But I do have strong opinions about gender balances in housework!
But coaching is about helping the client reach a solution that works for them, even if that wouldn’t be what the coach would do. (Managerial coaching complicates this, since you are responsible for making sure they reach certain outcomes. Your challenge is to give as much autonomy as possible in how they reach those outcomes.)
So I had A LOT of room for improvement after that first attempt at coaching!
That said, you may be surprised to hear that, even though I don’t know anything about parenting, I was doing pretty well until I thought I had a brilliant idea for a solution. Coaching emphasizes staying curious and asking questions, and that’s how I started! But I let my ideas about what she should do derail our coaching conversation.
I’ve put in a lot of hours of practice since then, but I’ll always be thankful for that nudge to just do it for the first time.
So what’s the point of sharing this story today?
During the webinar I offered back in December, one of the questions was about feeling a need to be perfect before starting to coach. And some of the other questions also addressed the fears that are common for any of us who are just beginning to use coaching techniques.
One of the sayings that a former colleague used to repeat regularly was “don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good” – meaning that worrying too much about perfection can get in the way of doing something that would make a positive difference.
There are always more opportunities to take another class or sign up for another program, and I encourage you to continue learning when you’re ready to take that step. But don’t wait to start practicing until you feel like you can get it perfect, because perfect doesn’t exist in the real world.
So, my challenge for you this week is to just find one excuse per day to pause and spend at least 30 seconds questioning your assumptions before you jump to give advice. What context are you guessing at but don’t know for sure? What questions could you ask to help clarify what is really going on in this situation?
P.S. – This is why I made sure to include chances to actually practice coaching one another in Developing a Coaching Approach to Leadership!