Excuses, excuses: Using a coaching approach with someone who has an excuse for everything

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Whether you’ve been responsible for managing them or not, I assume that you’re familiar with the character who always has an excuse for everything, who never takes responsibility for needing to make changes or improvements in their own behavior.

I received a question about what it looks like to use a coaching approach with someone who fits this description.

It’s easy to see how coaching would be effective with someone who actively wants to improve, but that assumes that they realize they have room for improvement in that area and are ready to take ownership of that work.

So how do you use a coaching approach with this character who always has an excuse or someone else to blame?

At the core of this approach, for me, is curiosity. If you’re like me, working with someone like this can be really frustrating, which makes it hard to stay genuinely curious and nonjudgmental. So be sure to give yourself the time and space to mentally and emotionally prepare when you need to discuss progress on a project or an area for improvement.

From the wording of the question, it’s clear that there’s a pattern of behavior that is causing this frustration, but what’s causing this pattern of behavior? Some common reasons include:

• Not really being clear up front about what’s expected
• Not knowing how to meet expectations
• Not being motivated to meet expectations

By shifting to a coaching approach, focusing on asking questions and listening instead of jumping to give advice, you can get a better sense of where they’re at.

If they’re not clear on exactly what outcome you’re expecting, or if they have different outcomes in mind than what you expect, the earlier you talk about it, the better!

If you’re on the same page in terms of outcomes, but they just don’t know how to get there, how can you help them work through what steps and timeline they need to include? By asking them what ideas they have in mind for how to accomplish this objective instead of telling them the overview of what you envision, you may be able to identify any skills gaps and help them find training to fill those needs.

Some questions you might consider asking in a regular one-to-one meeting could include:

• “Just to make sure we’re on the same page, how do you plan to assess whether this project is successful?”
• “What are your next steps on this project?”
• “What support or resources do you need to be able to achieve that outcome?”
• (Shortly after a project is completed) “What would you want to improve the next time you do a project like that?”

If you can make space for these discussions regularly – providing space for them to talk through their plans, and only sharing information when needed – then you may be able to address the cause of the excuses without having to actually call out the excuses. You create a framework of support without tipping over into micromanagement, because you’re acting as a sounding board, not telling them exactly how you think they should do each step. If there are training issues that come up in these discussions that you need to address, then be clear that you’re just shifting gears for that purpose on this particular skill.

Motivation is a tricky topic, since there are a ton of different reasons someone may not be terribly motivated to complete a project, meet a deadline, or always arrive right on time. What’s the point of doing this? If the project feels like busywork, unconnected to what they see as the important part of their job, then why would they prioritize it? Constantly being asked to “do more with less” is also pretty toxic for motivation, since the only reward for doing well is becoming even more overworked. In those contexts, excuses might be the only way to make the job bearable.

How could you start to have more open, nonjudgmental conversations with them about what’s keeping them motivated or getting in the way of their motivation? If they don’t see the point of something, how could you address that in a way that’s more satisfying just, “that’s how it’s always been done”? If they’re feeling overloaded, how could you help them prioritize, and maybe take some tasks off their plate?

All of these responses take time. By making sure that you’re both on the same page from the start about what the expectations are, and by serving as a sounding board to help them talk through how they’re going to meet those expectations, you set up a framework of support that should lead to fewer excuses down the line.

Shifting to a coaching approach can be hugely beneficial, but sometimes there may be more going on than coaching can address. If you see ongoing performance issues despite doing all of this, then you may eventually need to change hats to take more of a performance management approach. In that case, being able to document how you worked with them to make sure that the expectations were clear and that they had the skills and resources to complete the work will make the process a little smoother.